Another Life
by Amahleen
Summary: Set after Twilight. Bella chooses another life... so this is a sad thing, you might even cry a tear or two...hope you'll enjoy though
1. Chapter 1

Ok, so this is my first fanfic, first I wrote it with the intention to continue it, and I have an basic idea for how to go on. But I haven't written anything yet. Tell me if you like it (or if you don't) and I might continue.

Also, please keep in mind that I'm from Sweden, which means that I'm far from fluent in English, and I haven't even had an English lesson in over a year! I'm sure there are some mistakes there. I tried to write it in Swedish but it just wouldn't work, i've read all the books in English so this is the way it's supposed to be.

Be kind!

: )

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It was hard to turn around, to turn away from him. I felt a strange pull towards him and I knew that he felt it too. I felt the pain I caused him by leaving. But I knew I had to go. I couldn't stay here any longer, for all our sakes. It wasn't fair to him, me or least of all to Jacob.

"Bella…" his voice was full of pain. I felt tears burning in my eyes, I closed them, whishing the tears to stay away for a while longer. I slowly turned around, one last time I told myself.

He had sunk down to his knees, if he could cry I was sure silent tears would be running down his face. I swallowed. He looked up at me, anguish and despair evident in his golden eyes.

"Bella, please…"

I held up my hand, I couldn't have him begging me to stay; I wouldn't be able to turn away if he did.

"Edward, I love you, and I think that a part of me will always love you. But I can't stay with you, not like this. If you want me, tell me you'll change me, and I'll be yours. But I can't keep doing this, if you force me to live, then I want to have a life. This relationship works for now, but what about in ten years, or in twenty? I'll be old enough to pass for your mother! I don't want that. I need to live a normal life. And I can't do that with you. Better end it now; or it will hurt even more than it already is."

I looked at him, feeling the tears finally getting the better part of me and spilling down my face. I took a deep breath, I knew the answer to the question I was going to ask, but I had to ask it anyway. I suppose I still had one final shred of hope.

"Will you change me Edward?"

He closed his eyes, he started shaking with tearless sobs, but he shook his head.

"I just can't Bella, I can't."

He didn't open his eyes, and I started to turn away, this was too painful, it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. I closed my eyes. I just had to touch him, one last time, even if it would make things so much harder. I walked slowly and kneeled in front of him. He was still shaking with the soundless sobs. He didn't open his eyes, though he must have noticed my approach.

"Edward." was all I could whisper as I put my hand on the side of his face. He leaned in to it and opened his eyes and met mine. I gasped, the pain was beyond description, and I was the one to cause it. If I wanted to I could make it go away, but I just couldn't, I didn't want that life.

"I'm so sorry, Edward…"

He put his cold hand on top of mine, and I felt the same tingling feeling I felt the first time we touched.

"I still love you." I whispered.

He closed his eyes briefly before meeting my tearstained eyes again.

"I will love you forever and ever, as long as I live."

He took my hand in his, and kissed it gently. I had to turn my face away, this was too much. I had to go now, or I would never be able to leave.

I turned and walked slowly away, he kept my hand in his as far as his arm would stretch, but he didn't try to stop me.

I thought I herd him whisper 'I love you', but I couldn't be sure, it might have been the wind. I walked back to my house, my heart heavy, finally letting my tears run freely. It didn't feel like they were ever going to stop. I hid under the covers in my bed, both whishing and not whishing that Edward were there with me. He had become such big part of my life, trying to imagine a life without him was almost impossible, and more painful than I had imagined, I thought I had gotten used to the thought these couple of days. But I really hadn't, the truth of it all hit me now with full force. It felt like my chest was being ripped apart, like there was a black, bleeding hole where my heart should be. I knew this was for the best, but I didn't see how I was supposed to survive it.

I don't know when, but sometime during the night I became aware of Jacobs soothing rubs on my back. Which only made me cry harder, because I didn't want his soft warm hands to comfort me, I wanted another set of hands. A pair of cold and hard hands, a pair of hands that I had turned down.


	2. Chapter 2

So I wrote this last night after I uploaded the first chapter. I hope you like it. at the moment i feel like i will continue this story, but im not a stranger to writersblock so don't be upset with me if the next chapter will take a while :)

so be nice, and tell me what you think!

and tonight im gonna go see twilight! can't wait.

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I watched as Bella walked away from me. My angel was leaving me and all I could do was watch, I couldn't even find my voice to ask her to stay. I couldn't even move. I felt cold, for the first time in many years I felt ice cold, despite the temperature of my skin I never felt cold, but now I did. Cold as death.

I cursed this life and I cursed the fact that I couldn't be human for my Bella, that being what I am both put us together and drove us apart. That if it weren't for my cold skin, my golden eyes, my unbeating heart and my thirst for blood I would never have met my angel, had it not been for that, for my immortality, for me being a monster, I would have died over eighty years ago. But at the same time, being what I am caused my angel so much pain. And me even more.

But I couldn't change her, even when she put me to the final ultimatum, I just couldn't. I wouldn't damn her to this life; I wouldn't take from her the right to live, to have a normal life, to have children, to sleep and to dream, to grow old, to have a soul.

I watched Bella's back as she walked away from me. My heart being ripped to peaces a thousand times for every step she took. I couldn't think, I couldn't move, I couldn't even breathe to inhale her sweet scent before it vanished.

She had chosen Jacob. Somewhere I knew I should be happy, because if anyone, he was the one who could take care of my clumsy danger magnet. But that unselfish part of me was very small right now. Right now all I could feel was pain, both physical and mental. It over shone anything I had ever felt in my entire life with miles, even my changing couldn't be compared to this.

I don't know when Alice found me. But suddenly she was there beside me, trying to comfort me. But there was no comfort to be received, my angel, my reason for existence, had left me. She had walked away from me and left me in peaces, and I wasn't sure if I ever could pick myself up again.

Obviously Alice had seen what was about to happen, or more like not seen it, Bella's future must have disappeared the moment she made her decision to choose Jacob over me. I wondered when she had made up her mind. She had been acting strange the past week, but the final decision couldn't have been made until recently, maybe even yesterday.

Alice had tried, and succeeded, to keep this from me. She had stayed away from me for the most part, and when ever we would be close enough for me to hear her thoughts she had concentrated very hard on singing, all in her head of course, the Swedish versions on every old ABBA song she could think of. I should have known that something was wrong, but she did this some times, and it usually just meant that she wanted to surprise me with some new, very fashionable and of course expensive clothes she had purchased over the internet for me.

I didn't even notice when the sun came up, or when it went down again. I only lay there on the damp forest floor and cried out my agony and pain in tearless, silent sobs. And Alice was there the whole time. I think Carlisle came by some time during the second night, but he didn't stay long. The little I could understand from his sad thoughts through my fog of pain made it clear that Esme didn't take my breakdown very well and that he felt the urge to be there with her. I didn't complain, this was my black hole, if I had had the strength to even get a sound through my lips I would have told Alice to go away too, there was no reason for her to be here, she couldn't make things any better by being here, my angel would still be lost form me forever. And there was no reason for Alice to witness this, I know it pained her to see me like this. And I know she was sad over Bella's decision, not only because of me, but because of herself. Her and Bella had become real good friends, better than I ever had thought was possible. I had doubted Alice's visions at first, before I had even realized that I loved Bella more than I loved anything else in this universe, because how could she be so casual around a vampire? Knowing our secret or not she should be scared of us. But in Alice visions of their friendship there had been no fear in Bella's eyes, only trust. This still amazed me, Bella just didn't seem to be afraid of anything, either that or she had no self-preservation instinct. But maybe that's what she actually had; after all, she had walked away from me. But not before she had taken my whole heart for safekeeping. It felt like she had dropped my heart in boiling water, only to pick it up and stamp on it with the high healed stilettos Alice had given her. I didn't blame her though, I was a monster, and I didn't deserve a girl like Bella. She was a goddess of the heavens and I were a demon from the deepest parts of the underworld.

The third night came and went, and I still couldn't move. Alice, patient as ever, only left me for a short period of time, to hunt I presumed, but she was back soon. I really couldn't have cared less. The tearless sobs wouldn't stop, my pain wouldn't ease, it only seemed to increase. I was paralysed. The only thing going through my mind was Bella. I replayed our every moment together, when I first stayed in her room and heard her say my name in her sleep. Every theory she had come up with before finally guessing at the truth. When I first took her to our meadow, our first kiss, all of our kisses, every night I had spent watching her sleep, every time she had smiled at me, every time she touched me and I felt that tingling electric current running through my body, exactly the same as when we accidentally touched during that biology class. I remembered every time I have had to reach out to keep her from falling, tripping over her own two beautiful feet. I remembered every single time I had made her blush, every time I had made her upset with me. Every time she had pleaded with me to change her, why hadn't I? Because I couldn't be so selfish. But most of all I replayed the last minutes before she walked away from me. The tears running down her beautiful face, her final command that I couldn't agree to, no matter how much I wanted it for myself. Her hand on my cheek, her whispered 'I love you' and my heartbroken response, her back moving away from me in the dark forest. The urge I felt to get up and take her in my arms one last time, and my inability to even move an inch.

The thought of Bella in Jacob's arms made me sick, but if she wanted his arms instead of mine there was nothing I could do to change that. If it weren't for Bella I'm sure I would have considered killing Jacob, slow and painful, but there was no way in the world that I could cause Bella that kind of pain. For her to experience something that was even ten times less painful than this because of me was inexcusable, I would not be able to live with myself if I did that to her.

More than once that night I considered going to Italy. Anything to ease this pain. But the fact that Bella didn't want me anymore didn't change the fact that I felt like she was the reason for my existence. I would never be able to leave for Italy knowing that she could be in danger. And even if Jacob was a good protector he couldn't be near her all the time. There would be times when he would have to leave her unprotected. He had his responsibilities to the pack.

That's when I decided, I would not leave Bella, I would protect her in anyway I could, even if that meant that I could never let her know I was near, even if I would never again talk to her I would keep watch. Staying out of sight, but always close. And if she decided to leave Jacob, or if Jacob left her, I would be there, willing to take her back I she still wanted me. After all Jacob was human, werewolf or not, he could still die, and most of all the chance of him imprinting on someone wasn't that small.

Alice saw my future change the moment I made up my mind. And she started crying again. I finally could move, I got up from the forest floor and went over to hug her. She hugged me back hard.

"Please don't do this Edward, it's not fair to you, you deserve to live your life just as much as she does. Think about what this will do to Esme, she will be devastated!"

The pain hadn't eased, but now I had a purpose, I could live with this pain if I had to, anything to be able to protect her. And I knew things would not get any easier, watching Bella with Jacob, smiling and living her life without me, without her even knowing I was still there for her would be the hardest thing I would ever go through. But I would do it, for her.

"I'm sorry, Alice. But I have to do this. I don't see what else I'm supposed to do. What else I can do"

"You are so stupid Edward, she still loves you! But you drove her away. Did you really think that she would agree to live her life with you, until she grow old and die? She would pass as your mother, and eventually your grandmother! Are you even surprised she did this? You could have prevented all this, all you had to do was change her and everything would have been fine! You said you wanted her to have a normal life, fine now she will have, and now you will have to let her go. Really let her go. Watching by the sidelines isn't fair to you, or to her. She would want you to go on with your life."

I knew that she was right, I knew that that was what Bella would have wanted. But I just couldn't. Being away from her and the thought that I would never see her again made me grasp for air, the pain that would cause me would be out of this world.

"Alice…" I hugged her tighter.

"I know, I know. You have made up your mind. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm upset with you for doing this."

I let her go, before I could begin my new mission I had to talk to Carlisle, and the rest of my family, they had the right to know what I was about to do.

One week after Bella had left me on the forest floor I took off in the other direction. I was anxious to get back to her as soon as possible. I would always keep watch over my angel. Always.


	3. Authors Note

Authors Note.

Hi guys. It's been a long time since I updated, and i'm so sorry about that. But to be honest it isn't entirely my fault, truly. First I had just too much to do with working, and dancing and putting up showoffs and this and that so I just didn't have the time or the energy. And when I finally got around to writing something my computer died on me so all that I had written got lost, which sucks. I still haven't got my beloved computer back so I wont be writing in a while. :( Hope you can be patient with me. Because the story isn't dead, even if my computer is. :)

Just thought I should let you know!

Peace out// L


	4. Chapter 3

**so finally chapter three is here.. some confusion while uploading but its here. i don't like it that much, but atleast it's something. it will get better. so send me a comment. the more comments the more i will feel like writing another chapter. promise you that.**

**and as always keep in mind: i'm swedish :)**

**peace out//L**

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I couldn't stop crying for days. The tears would eventually dry out, but I still cried, only waiting for them to return. Those times, when I cried without tears, were harder than anything, because I realised that this must be how Edward felt when he wanted to cry. This was the way he must have felt when I left him in the woods.

Jake was with me almost the whole time, he only left for short hours, keeping with his responsibilities to the pack. I was grateful for him being there, and I wanted to tell him that, thanking him for putting up with me, but I couldn't get a single word through my lips.

I replayed mine and Edward's every moment together, in the Italian restaurant, in school, in our meadow, in my room, every time he had picked me up in his strong arms. I remembered our every kiss, every single one, the first one and the last one.

I felt like my heart had been stolen from me, I only felt pain from the wound, but every other feeling was numb.

Charlie kept away for the most part, unsure of how to respond to my behaviour, only checking in asking how I felt a couple of times, when I didn't answer he fled the house. Jacob told me he spent the time away from the house either at work or with Billy so I had nothing to worry about. I could only nod, grateful that he knew me well enough to understand that I did worry about Charlie, even if I couldn't talk to him.

Jacob was so sweet, he brought me food and made sure I ate at least something during those hard days. He was nothing but kind to me and I felt awful for putting him through this. By the look in his eyes I could see that it hurt him, seeing me like this, even if he tried to put on a strong face.

I tried to get my head around what I had done, but understanding it and accepting it was hard. In my head I knew I had made the right decision but my heart screamed at me that it was all wrong, that I should run outside screaming his name, asking for his forgiveness, asking for him to take me back. But why would he want to take me back? I had hurt him more than anyone else had ever done, he must hate and despise me for it.

I had brought this upon myself and I would have to deal with it on my own. I had told him I wanted a real life, so why wasn't I getting along with it? I loved Edward, and as I had told him, a part of me would always love him, but that part would just have to step down for the benefit of the parts that loved other things, things that couldn't be combined with Edward. Like Jacob. I loved Jacob as well, I really loved him, and that was a relationship that could work. He would, eventually, start aging, and I wouldn't look like his mother one day. And we could have kids, we could live a normal life.

One week after I had left Edward in the woods I lifted my head from my pillow and looked at Jacob who sat, always watching me in silence, in the rocking chair. I had to swallow a lump in my throat before I could speak; that was Edward's chair, a chair he would never sit in again. This was going to be hard, really hard, but I knew I could do it, with Jacob's help I knew I would be able to get back to a somewhat normal life.

"Jake?"

"Yea Bells? Has the cryriver finally dried out?" always joking, I smiled a weak smile; it felt weird in my face.

"I think so, for a while at least. I'm so sorry Jake, I didn't want you to see me like this."

He stood from the rocking chair and came to kneel next to my bed.

"Bells, are you sure about this? Absolutely sure? I haven't seen you so upset before in my life. I didn't even know one could cry this much. You've been in so much pain, are you sure you are making the right choice?"

I looked him in the eyes, thinking my answer over before I spoke.

"Jacob, this was the hardest decision I have ever made, and hopefully the hardest one I will ever have to make. And I'm not saying it will be easy to move on, but I know that I have to, and I think that with your help I can. I love you Jacob, don't you love me?"

His eyes widened and he leaned in to kiss me. I kissed him back finally realising that my decision not only had been about leaving something wonderful, I would also get something wonderful out of this mess.

"I love you so much Bells…" he whispered when he let me go.

I closed my eyes and smiled, it felt better this time.

"Now, let's go find something to eat, I'm starving!"

His eyes lit up, nothing to make my werewolf happy like food. He picked me up from the bed and we headed down to the kitchen.

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**comment comment comment :) please?**


	5. Chapter 4

**hi guys!**

**so it's been a long time. sorry about that. i can't promise it will never happen again, but i'll do my best at updating more often. so please comment. be nice, tell me if you don't like it, but be nice about it please. and i would love it even more if you told me you liked it. constructive critisism this way please!**

**and yes, i'm stil from sweden thank you very much.**

**:) **

Chapter 4

My talk with Carlisle and the rest of my family was painful for all of us. Emmet really tried to put on a strong face, but I could hear in his thoughts how upset he really was. Even though he always messed around with…her, it was hard even thinking her name in my head, I always knew how found he really was of her. He was quiet, but his thoughts were running wild, I tried not to listen, but it was hard.

"_Damn, why didn't Edward listen to her when she told him to change her? It's so obvious she wanted to be with him. And I really would have liked to have seen her as a vampire; I bet she would still be clumsy as hell though, that would have been something for the history books." _He smiled a small, sad smile, seeing Emmet like this was weird, he was always so bouncy and carefree. But I couldn't feel bad for him; this was my pain, my hell, I had brought this upon myself, and no one but me should have to pay for it.

"_And now I will never get to challenge her at arm wrestling. Alice even saw her as one of us, why wouldn't he listen? And now she will never be my sister. He will probably not even let me go say goodbye to her. Crap!"_

"No Emmet, I won't let you go see her. She deserves a clean break."

He looked up at me, anger flashing in his eyes.

"You can't keep me from seeing her…"

"Yes, I can!" I cut him off. "She walked away from me, she didn't want me anymore, and I don't want you to remind her of me." as the words left my mouth they sounded so cruel, like I blamed her for walking away. I didn't. I blamed myself, and I deserved no less.

He was silent then, looking down at his hands that rested on the dining table.

In Rosalie's thoughts I couldn't hear anything but the Hungarian national anthem. I wasn't surprised; I didn't need to hear her thoughts to know what she was thinking. She was angry at me, and at…her. And at the same time she was happy for her. She had finally made a decision that Rosalie could understand, she had made the same decision that Rosalie would have made. Yet, she was furious; this forced her to leave Forks, leave the life we had built here and start over, again. Rosalie hated moving almost as much as she hated the fact that I had never found her attractive the way every other male seemed to do.

Alice was there too, she was sad, of course, I had pushed her best friend away from me, and in the process forced their friendship to an end. I felt sorry for her. But that sorrow couldn't match the sorrow and pain I felt over loosing my sweet, sweet…Bella. I had to force myself to think her name.

Jasper was taking this hard as well, he would miss her too, but most of all he felt all the bad feelings in the room so clearly he had a hard time not breaking down the way I had done in the forest.

"_The pain Edward is feeling, how can he bear it? I can't even think straight." _He looked up at me then, in his eyes I could see a small portion of the pain I felt inside of me, in every part of me.

"_I'm sorry Edward." _He said as I nodded, giving my permission. He got up and fled the room, fled the house, the emotions being too much for him, couldn't blame him. If only I could get up and run from this pain, I would run anywhere and for any amount of time if I thought it would help me. I couldn't run away though, there was no escape. And I knew that the longer distance I put between Bella and me the stronger this pain I felt would become. I could hardly take it now, I needed to get back to her, I needed too at least be able to see her. The pain was more than I could handle, the only thing that kept me going was the thought of seeing her again. The thought of beginning my new life, though existence would be a more appropriate word, my life that I had found with Bella had died when she left me in the forest, I would never live again, not without her. I felt light headed and distracted, every fibre of my being hurt, every breath was a struggle, it felt like my chest had been ripped open and now all that was left was a bleeding, gapping hole, a hole only Bella could mend, a hole she would never heal. It felt like I was breathing through smoke, the air heavy in my lungs. I couldn't see clearly, my vision blurring in the edges. I tried to focus. Only a couple more minutes and I could be on my way.

Esme was taking this just as hard as Alice had foreseen. If there had been any tears left in her she would have shed them now. Her thoughts were too hard for me to hear, I closed my eyes for a brief second, trying to clear my head. In the background I heard I low ringing that I knew was only in my head. The way humans can get tinnitus after going to a loud concert. But I was a vampire, my kind didn't get tinnitus, I felt myself breaking apart piece by piece the longer I stayed away from Bella. I needed to get back to her. Now.

Carlisle cleared his throat. I opened my eyes and focused my gaze at him; trying to make the room stop spinning. I would be an easy pray right now if someone wanted to hunt me.

"Edward, I know this is very hard for you, but you shouldn't linger here. We will all move, of course we will if that is what you want us to do." He looked over at Rosalie for a second before turning back to me. "But you should come with us. She would have wanted you to go on with your life."

"I don't have a life without her. I'm sorry Carlisle, but I can't come with you."

He looked at me, for a moment.

"Yes Edward, I think I see that you can't. Know that we will miss you, and that there will always be a room for you, come back to us when you are ready."

That will never happen, I thought.

I hugged my family, one by one; even Emmet gave me a hug without trying to break my back in the process.

"Miss you bro." was all he said.

Esme hold on to me for a long time.

"I love you so much Edward. You are my son, I love you, please try to move on, for your sake and for Bella's…" She paused and then added; "and for mine."

"Yes, I'll try mom. I love you too." I could barely get the words through my lips, the last person who I had said that to was Bella.

I left my family; Esme sobbing quietly in Carlisle's arms, Emmet holding one arm over Rosalie and one over Alice. Jasper was nowhere to be seen.

The dizziness eased a bit when I leaped over the river. The ringing in my ears fading till I could barely hear it, my vision clearing up with every step. Soon I would see my angel again. Soon. I braced myself for what I would see, the pain it would cost me to see her with Jacob.

I wondered if I would survive it.

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